To say it correctly, imagine you’re a six-foot-two, two-hundred-fifty-pound Norwegian shopkeeper named Oaken from the Disney movie Frozen. Now, in a high falsetto voice, exclaim: “Yoo-hoo! Big summer blowout!” If you’re having trouble picturing this, try imagining my daughters, Cati and Anya, at ages 3 and 5, riding in the shopping cart at Walmart, saying “Yoo-hoo! Big summer blowout!” to everyone we passed. I might have discouraged them from talking to strangers, but I was too busy joining in.
As I look back on those days, I can’t help but smile. Strangers would often remark how friendly my girls were. Cati would exclaim joyfully, “They talked to me, Daddy!” And I would affirm, “Yes, they did! Isn’t it wonderful when people are so friendly?” Who wouldn’t smile when the world is smiling at you? “I’m Anya, and this is my sister Cati,” Anya would say, followed quickly by, “We have a dog named Penny,” and then, “Yoo-hoo! Big summer blowout!” I’d smile and keep the cart moving at a brisk pace.
And yet, as I reflect on these moments, a thought nags at me… Should I have been worried? These were strangers, after all. Shouldn’t I have been teaching my girls not to talk to strangers? Was that the appropriate time and place to have this talk? After all, the safety and well-being of my children has always been my number-one responsibility as a parent.
I think back to my own childhood in Tucson, Arizona. As early as the fourth grade, I’d walk home from school alone and then hop on my bike, going anywhere within a 2- to 3-mile radius—all without a mobile phone or my mother knowing (exactly) where I was. I knew the neighborhood like the back of my hand. I knew who my neighbors were, and they knew me. What has happened that I can’t tell you exactly who any of my neighbors are, beyond vague descriptions? What’s changed that I wouldn’t let my girls out of my sight—certainly not like when I was younger?
Reflecting on this stark difference between my childhood and my daughters’, I wonder what has changed in our society. Are the issues the same as they’ve always been? Or have new technology, the internet, news, and media raised our awareness of risks in a way that has altered how we interact with neighbors and our community, even though the risks are the same? Platforms designed to connect us often keep us behind screens, substituting online interactions for real-world relationships. It seems technologies marketed to bring us together have ultimately driven us apart, as our sense of community erodes. In striving to stay connected through screens, we’ve disconnected from the people right next to us. Something is dying in our culture, and we are all experiencing this loss.
What will happen when all our friends are virtual, and our worth is determined by the likes and approvals of people we’ve never met? How many of us already have more virtual friends than real ones? How many of us take the time to get to know our neighbors? What will happen when we no longer talk at the dinner table because we’re too busy texting? What will happen when saying hello to someone at the store becomes an offense?
Now, my girls are 14 and 15 and wouldn’t be caught dead shouting out a line from a Disney movie. I’m quite certain that if I said it out loud in Walmart, it would seem like I didn’t have kids at all! Sometimes I long for the days when they were fearless and brave, and self-image wasn’t so connected to perceived self-worth. The world seems scarier now. Concerns like stranger danger and the very real threat of sex trafficking make us more cautious. Yet, in our efforts to protect ourselves and our loved ones, we’ve begun to isolate behind screens. Social media or social isolation? We connect, yet the connection is often hollow. Depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem among teens are at an all-time high. Our family unit—our community—are under attack, and it’s up to us to do something about it.
And I wish I knew the answer to this problem. But I don’t. What I do know is that the answer is not more isolation, more screen time, more social media. We may not be able to stop technology, but we can show our children how to use it responsibly. We can monitor their screen time and set boundaries. We can get to know our neighbors and even talk to strangers, all while teaching them to be wary of the dangers. We owe it to our children to try.
Thinking about the expressions on my daughters’ faces as we walked through Walmart, greeting everyone with a line from a Disney movie makes me smile. Maybe that’s what it takes—just a bit of silliness and courage to connect again. Maybe when they see how friendly we are, they’ll show us their human side in return, and our sense of community can grow. So look for us when you’re out and about, and if you see or hear us, please do say hello. And even if you don’t, feel free to look to your left and right and say hello to your neighbors. You could also ask them if they’ve heard of the character named Oaken from the Disney movie Frozen. 🙂